Recently, Jolie has been paying close attention to her 13 year old aunt. She just asked Brett to YouTube the “butterflies run away song,” a.k.a. Miley Cirus’s “Party in the USA.” I despise
that girl and her “music.” oh boy.
a co-worker, to remain unnamed, came to work today dressed up as a “murdering U.K. fan.” the costume accessory: a metal knife (which i thought to be real and still sort of do) with fake blood dripping from the tip. the person arrived at work and greeted people by jolting the knife in front of us pretending to stab whoever they greeted in the face.
i work at crisis intervention agency for victims of domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking.
i felt like i was on an episode of the office. you can’t make this shit up. and no, the “murdering U.K. fan” isn’t michael scott.
So I’m baking lots of goodies for tomorrow. Jolie’s class is having a Halloween party and work is having a potluck. In the process of cracking, pouring, and mixing I’ve managed to decorate my crisp, white shirt with orange, brown and clear liquids. I need to make an emergency trip up to the William and Sonoma outlet for a couple aprons at half price. I hint around to “needing” them to Brett all the time, but he’s a guy. I should have bought the super cheap ones at a local antique shop a few months back. I threatened to withhold my delicious pumpkin cake with cream cheese icing, but he wasn’t convinced. Damn my shirt is dirty.
I rememeber as a little girl camping out in our foryet with my little sister, determined to catch those bastards in the act of sneaking up on our porch and messing with our pumpkins, leaving their orange insides smeared and splattered on the lawn for all to see the next morning. Luckily, I never had to show anyone whose boss.
Now, I prefer sleeping in my own bed and not participating in the neighborhood watch. Should I be concerned about our pumpkins???
jolie has been much more pleasant this week. i’m in “this is such a cute age” mode right now. she has been known to abruptly switch my mode, or mood.
perhaps she’s appreciative of everything we’ve been doing with her lately. this month is busy!! i love halloween but oh my the activities keepa’ comin’. let’s be honest, we’re booked until the new year, i’m sure.
1. Saying goodbye to red wine, sushi, caffiene, raw cookie dough, sunny side up eggs, riding on the back of my husband’s motorcycle, and my waistline.
2. Baby bottles have different nipple sizes?
3. The many different kinds of childbirth classes - the Bradley Method, the Morgan Method, Lamaze, The McMoyler Method, the list goes on….
4. A doula. We just hired one and we are SO excited about having her - but seriously, I’d never even heard of a doula before I got pregnant. (Note: We’ve taken to calling her our Paula Abdoula)
5. Strollers. Never in my life did I imagine I would be eyeing strangers on the street trying to get a closer look at their kid’s wheels.
6. The whole boob thing. I still can’t wrap my head around it. I went from a 32B to a 34D and still growing at an alarming rate.
7. Complete and total loss of modesty. During the process of being pregnant one or more of the following may occur: Having to discuss your sex life in detail, being probed by fingers and objects on a regular basis, losing control of bodily functions during childbirth (I am most afraid of this as I’ve heard stories of women peeing, pooping, and vomiting in the process of delivering), having a big giant spotlight pointed on you with your legs spread and 4 people staring down at your lady business and your boobs may be manhandled by la leche consultants who teaches you how to breastfeed.
8. Germs. They are everywhere and they have become my worse enemy. I’ve talked about this before.
9. How much people treat you differently when you are pregnant. Random people smile at you. They ask how far along you are. They sometimes pat your belly. They give you their seat on the bus or in a crowded room. It’s pretty nice, actually.
10. This baby has to come OUT OF ME. Right now she’s inside but she has to come out. Let me repeat that… she has to COME OUT OF ME. I keep running over this fact in my head, trying to make sense of it. I had the birds and the bees talk a long long time ago - but trying to rationalize and come to terms with what is actually going to happen in a few short months is taking some time. She has to come out… and no matter how it happens, it ain’t going to be a walk in the park….
it’s flu season. and no one is safe. eeekkk.ek. our office is a war zone, and people are dropping. everyone is walking around with a Clorox wipe in hand, almost as natural as holding a pen and cup of coffee.
this past weekend our daughter’s nose started running. this is actually very normal for her. more often she can be seen with a single line of snot commencing at her nostril and ending above her upper lip. she refuses to blow. blow all of what is building up inside her nose right into a nice, white kleenex. instead she licks it. i know, gross, right? this weekend brett decided to work with her again. mind you, this has been a two year pursuit. even when we threaten her with the “turkey baster” a.k.a. the blue nasal “de-clogger” for babies, she refuses to blow. brett posed the action differently. “blow wind through your mouth,” he instructed her. and she did. “now,” he continued, “blow wind through your nose.” she preceded by sucking up the loose snot. it was a great try on his part, but our daughter will continue licking her snot, and i will remain her “kleenex lady,” there to wipe her nose every five minutes.
You’ve ever ended a sentence with the word “SIKE!”
You can sing the whole rap to “The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air”
You remember when Kurt Cobain, Tu Pac, River Phoenix, and Selena died.
You know that “WOAH” comes from Joey from “Blossom” and that “How Rude!” comes from Stephanie from “Full House”
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading “Goosebumps”
You know the profound meaning of “Wax on, wax off”
You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
you danced to “wannabe” by the Spice Girls, Females: had a new motto, Males: got a whole lot gay-er. (so tell me what you want, what you really really want.)
You remember the craze then the banning of slap bracelets and slam books.
You still get the urge to say “NOT” after (almost) every sentence…Not…
Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? was both a game and a TV game show.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the red* Ranger were meant to be together.
To the last sentence you said…..hey…Tommy was the green* ranger!!!!
*later to be white
When playing power rangers with friends you fought over who got to be who…………and still all ended up being tommy.
You remember when super nintendo’s became popular.
You remember watching home alone 1, 2 , and 3……..and tried to pull the pranks on “intruders”
“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”
You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates
Two words… Trapper Keeper.
You ever got injured on a Slip ‘n’ Slide
You wore socks over leggings scrunched down
“Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack, all dressed in black, black, black, with silver buttons, buttons, buttons, all down her back, back, back” SHE ASKED HER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER FOR FIFTY CENTS CENTS CENTS TO SEE THE ELEPHANTS PHANTS PHANTS JUMP OVER THE FENCE THE FENCE THE FENCE he jumped so high high high he touched the sky sky sky and he didnt come back back back til the forth of july ly ly he jumped so low ow ow he stubbed his toe toe toe and thats the end end end of the elephants show show show
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players
You remember New Kids on The Block when they were cool
You knew all the characters names and their life stories on “Saved By The Bell”
You played and or collected “Pogs”
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet or Nano and brought it everywhere
You watched the original Care Bears, My Little Pony, and Ninja Turtles
NANCY DREW AND THE HARDY BOYS WERE THE BEST MYSTERY BOOKS
Yikes pencils and erasers were the stuff!
All your school supplies were “Lisa Frank” brand.(pencils.notebooks.binders.etc.)
You remember when the new Beanie Babies were always sold out. =[
You used to wear those stick on earings, not only on your ears, but at the corners of your eyes.
You remember a time before the WB.
You’ve gotten creeped out by “Are You Afraid of the Dark?”
You know the Macarena by heart.
“Talk to the hand” … enough said
You thought Brain would finally take over the world
You always said, “Then why don’t you marry it!”
You remember when everyone went slinky crazy.
You remember when razor scooters were cool.
when we were younger:
Before the MySpace frenzy.
Before the Internet & text messaging.
Before Sidekicks & iPods.
Before MIKE JONES
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX.
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
WHEN LIGHT UP SNEAKERS WERE COOL
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs & paid $3.50 for a movie.
When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans.
When 2Pac and Biggie where alive.
When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.
Get Over Here!!!! means something to you.
Hide-n-Go Seek at dusk.
Red Light, Green Light.
Heads Up 7 Up.
Playing Kickball & Dodgeball until your porch light came on.
Reading R.L. Stine’s Goose Bumps and Fear Street
“POWER OF LOVE” BY CELINE DION..ONLY COUPLES COULD SKATE TO THIS.
The annoying Nano Pets & Furbies.
Running through the sprinklers.
That “Little Mermaid”
Crying when Mufasa died in the Lion King. Every time you watched it.
Happy Meals where you chose a Barbie or a Hot Wheels car.
Getting the privilege to sit in the front seat of the car.
Drinking Sqeeze It “Squeeze The Fun Out Of It”
Watching Saturday Morning Cartoons in your PJ’s still wrapped up in your TMNT, Power Rangers, Barbie, Fairy Princess comforter.
Hey Arnold, Doug, Rugrats.
The original Power Rangers
Or what about:
The Secret Life of Alex Mac.
Ren & Stimpy.
Rocco’s Modern Life (best show!!!)
AAAHH!! REAL MONSTERS
Wild & Crazy Kids.
Clarissa Explains it All.
salute your shorts(CAMP ANAWANA)
Are You Afraid of the Dark?
The original cast members of All That.
Kenan & Kel.
“CITY GUYS”…ROLL W/ THE CITY GUYS
magic school bus.
pete and pete.
legends of the hidden temple.
pinky and the brain.
hangin with mr.cooper.
bill-nye the science guy.
Who could forget Snick? & Nick @ Nite with Bewitched, I Dream of Jenie, The Facts of Life & I Love Lucy.
Where everyone wanted to be in love after watching The Wonder Years.
or nick jr. with face(i luv face!)
gulah gulah island
under the unbrella tree
The Big Comfy Couch
Kool-Aid was the drink of choice.
Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school.
Class field trips.
When Christmas was the most exciting time of year.
When $5 seemed like a million, & another dollar a miracle.
When you begged to go to McDonalds for dinner everyday.
When Toys R Us overuled the mall.
Go back to the time when:
Decisions were made by going ‘eeny-meeny-miney-moe’.
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming ‘do over!’
‘Race issue’ meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was banker in ‘Monopoly’.
act like you didn’t watch afro-king BOB ROSS paint trees on T.V.
It wasn’t odd to have two or three ‘best’ friends.
Being old referred to anyone over 20.
A chance to skate as a couple at the local roller rink was like winning the lottery.
Scrapes & bruises were kissed & made better.
It was a big deal to finally be tall enought to ride the ‘big people’ rides at the fair.
When playing Nintendo was the hardest thing ever.
When Ninja Turtles ruled the world.
DID I DO THAAAAAAAAAT???
smud and yak back. skip it and pop it.
boy meets world
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear
WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT YOU’D MISS THE 90’S SO MUCH!!!!
Your a 90’s kid when you read this and smiled and laughed at least 5 of these.
Childhood <3 I misss.
my parents always skimped on the Lisa Frank school supplies. Rainbow colored ponies were overruled by bic:(
my kid is testing my patience. she was pretty tired after dinner and i can always tell when she’s getting tired because she gets extremely “mouth-y.” she just kept belting them out. she got upset because i called her out on her bad behavior at dinner. when it was bath time, she intentionally stomped her way up all 17 wooden stairs to her bedroom where she ripped off her jacket, launching it across the room, and then jerked her pony tail out of her hair tie. when i asked her why she was acting this way she replied, “Because I’m mad. You made me mad.” While I gave her a shower she continuously back talked, saying things i’ve never heard her say before, and with so much attitude. all the while i kept my cool (at times trying my hardest not to crack a smile), which pissed her off even more. I tried to explain to her that she was really mad at herself for choosing to behave badly while at dinner, and for talking impolitely to me, her mother. i told her i was disappointed with how she chose to act and that there are consequences when we make bad choices, to which she replied, “i’m s’appointed with you.”
My husband, who has an obsession with ridiculous Youtube videos, shared this with me over the weekend when he was supposed to be stripping the beds and doing laundry.I don’t know why I think this is so hilarious, but I cry laughing every time I watch this.
This kid is absolutely insane. I’m pretty sure he won’t be getting any girlfriends, or boyfriends, anytime soon. The warning signs are pretty clear. See for yourself:) So many things wrong in these videos…
i was prepared, once upon a time, to write, record and capture every move, facial expression and word Jolie said. i must admit, i haven’t done the best job past year one. i still video..on major holidays..and snap pictures, but brett and i find ourselves forgetting those one liners that made us crack up, adding another laugh line around our eyes, only a year ago. (such as: i think i’m going to cuke (puke))
as of lately, our little jolie has developed her knack for back talking. and she knows it. remorseful? only when toys and princess movies are at stake.
- you’re not being fair.
-you’re being rude, mom.
-i want to.
-you’re not my best friend right now.
and she’s so pretty when she does it. her little eyes sparkle and crease, and her perfectly pink,round lips form words and phrases that she’s picked up from kids and her teenage aunt and us.
current everyday phrases:
-tell (whichever one of us isn’t home during bedtime) to give me a hug-n-kiss.
-what the heck (strong emphasis on heck)
-i want to hold you.
-we’re the girls.
-we’re both your princesses, right daddy?
she just keeps getting bigger and bigger. and smarter and smarter. and prettier if that’s possible. her face is gorgeous. even when she’s being a large brat.
fall is here! i have been super busy at work. in schools. but, i have to say i love the fall foilage. driving down the highway, the trees lining the roadways have an anitquated look about them. so lovely. and the cool, crisp air. ahhh. perfection. did i mention, pumpkin spice lattes? i may have treated myself to one yesterday.
we plan on carving our fresh-off-the vine-pumpkins tonight. i’m also making dinner. our dear friend david is in town for the weekend. he’s the first person we’ve hosted in the homestead. i am so fucking happy to be in MY home, OUR home, with my family and friends during my favorite time of year. i had dinner with a couple of my cousins last week and it was so nice. the house was warm. the food was hot and comforting. and ehh-hmmm, delicious. everyone enjoyed themselves. this is what i’ve been working towards. everything i’ve done, everything brett and i have done together, and individually, has gotten us to this point. i couldn’t be fucking happier.
You know those days where you’re just in a funk and everyone is conspiring against you and no matter how many pro lists you come up with about your life, the trivial cons succeed? Must get over the funk.
this week i have felt overly tired and extremely bloated. and my hair is greasy today. what i’m trying to say is i look like i feel and i’m cold. i shouldn’t feel/look this way during my favorite time of year.
Back from vacation. I stayed off of my phone the entire trip. It added to the “away-ness” of it all. It was relaxing, and the weather was cool and crisp with plenty of sunshine. Dancing Bear Lodge had their delicious breakfast quiche with its buttery crust…mm-mmmm.. They had yet to put up their autumn decor which made me slightly sad, but being nestled in the woods, sleeping on a king size feather bed was still perfect. We attempted to eat our top layer of cake, but after one (reluctant) finger to the icing decided it had been frost bitten and would make us puke if we continued on. Stupid tradition. Stupid cake box not suited for one year of preserving.
We made a pit stop in Lexington on the way home for some Joe Bologna’s bread and garlic/olive oil dipping sauce. Brett and I agreed that we miss Lexington. Such a beautiful place this time of year.
We came home to a funeral, birthday party and visit with my dad and step-mom who came in from Florida for the funeral. I’m ready for another vacation.